today was another boring day again...haha..but i read taming the tiger..quite an interesting book..very deep and meaningful also...suddenly..the more i pray about where i can serve in the assembly..the more inadequate i feel....im really not gifted..really...the best i can do is smile...i really need some direction...i really feel small compared to peers who are doing things for Christ already...i really wonder..when..just when..i wonder if i have the commitment...the burning passion for the work that will not extinguish..i really wanna serve..after the children's day thing..i found i really loved the kids..i really wanted them to accept Christ and then grow in Him..but i felt so inexperienced..so useless when i didn do certain things properly...im really scared that if i really do become a youth leader..i may just lead people astray..im really scared...i know God will overcome my weakness with His strength if i trust in Him..but its really daunting...really..what if i didn do a good job..how am i to face Him in heaven?maybe i should really talked to older brothers in Christ...i really wanna find my gift..the gift he gave me..then use it for Him...i thought speaking was it..every time i read the Bible..things hit me...they really burden my heart and i really wanna share...but im afraid i say the wrong things..and in the end..its not profitable to people...maybe i should just wait and see?or pray and see?

even the best fall down and cry..heaven knows we need not be ashamed of our tears..as it falls..onto a worn out Bible..that is when...God is there..in our heart...all i ask Lord...is to follow Your will...give me an indication that i have not strayed..or should i say...Lord..i promise not to stray..use me as You Will...what i see now is all black and white...but Lord..You see the full picture..and i know..its a masterpiece