another week passed..it all seems so fast...next year will be the final year..before i fly into open fields and study what i really love..but thinking of leaving VJC or Victoria seems sad and really brings back fond memories that saturates my mental album till this day..the fun..the tears..the laughter..the pain..broken quite a few rules..not the major ones though..always got away with only a warning because of my sweet talk and smile...the first hug i ever had with a female...it dawn upon me that i am really growing up..maturity in thinking needs to be there..responsibilities are bound to come...am i up to it?i just don't feel right looking forward to next year..it's strange and scary..sometimes through it all..tears are just not meant to flow..they are meant to be contained..suppressed..give way to a smile that everyone expects..it's like losing self identity...lost in the mass and mess of humanity..last performance next year..nostalgic but anticipating..the last show..will it be a glittering end with the honours or just an end with gold?i don't know...i don't know..that's the best i can say..i really don't know what life has in store for me in the future...my studies career family relationships..the curious part in me really wants to see how pain is it to lose a love one to a friend...to go to a beloved's wedding knowing the groom is not me...to taste life where no one tasted before willingly...and when i cry for joy or sorrow..i know it's part of ife..sometimes..to a guy...shedding tears is more painful than bleeding...because crying is when the heart really bleeds..it's true that Jesus also cries..He even wept..must we really be ashamed of tears?

a simple smile really brightens people's life...and i really don't understand why behind a smile there maybe a dagger..behind everything pops something sinister...the facade, that veneer...will always be there unless you choose to take it off...transparency and honesty is what friends should have..no lies..no gossips...and i will sacrifice anything for the sake of my friends...maybe even love