Wednesday, October 29, 2008
sometimes i wonder..or maybe i really felt that i should stop
blogging...don't ask me why..because why questions are always the hardest and
thought provoking questions...maybe i should put my thoughts into songs...i don't know what i am treating this tool as..words are often so mysterious yet simple...they convey our inner emotions and thoughts to other people..there is a certain compulsion that words need to be picked carefully..wisely...so that these few letters will not become daggers that pierced through people..words...just think of it and laugh..what a powerful tool..able to lift or break people down..
anw..before people say i am
emo or too expressive..i shall stop...i am really not..really..i am just a simple guy with simple thoughts that simply needs to be written down...the holidays are here...play
frisbee play soccer...watch movies..celebrate birthdays...go camp..exciting man...but then..got to study also...haix...a price to pay for a super long holiday..i really wanna play
frisbee or touch rugby..not so much soccer now cos i just played it last
monday...so hopefully i can:)
anw..this maybe the last post already..so happy reading...God bless
there's no greater love than this
there's no higher sacrifice
than a man should give His life
should there be any praise
let it go to
Calvary
the place that i will
never e'er forget
at the cross where
righteousness and mercy truly met
Lord of reality
take my hand guide me on
let me stand
strong and mighty
against all foes
Thy love in command
make me a servant
humble and meek
Lord let me lift up
those who are weak
and may the prayer of my heart always be
make me a servant
make me a servant today
Lord i offer my life to You
everything i've been through
use it for Your glory
Lord i offer my days to You
lifting my praise to You
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord i offer you my life
I needed Jesus @ | 5:27 PM
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another week passed..so fast..yet so slow..time is like a yardstick for almost anything and everything in the world now..haha..played soccer at the cage yesterday and it was super fun..play till we all were tired:)wanted to play frisbee also but it rained..so decided to just go home while the rest await their BBQ thing to begin...xinan's back and yay..fun sio..haha..
i don't know what i am trying to blog here..just writing whatever comes to my mind..it's like a mental blockage..a sudden disruption in our thoughts..a certain pause in life where we stop and think..why are we actually doing this?or what are we trying to achieve in life?it always boils down to the question of purpose...and it's something that we don't like to face...because of fear?or because of selfishness?i don't know...the certainty of hardships and uncertainty has always been a piece in the Jigsaw of life and the uncertainty of assured success and happiness falls in the same category as well. it seems that we struggle, we fight for our desires, our wants...where is the strength?where is the determination?where is that look that tells people..i am going to succeed?i sometimes feel that life is cruel.that hard work may mean a lot..but not the deciding factor...to stand there with the echelons of society and to actually do well..needs an element called intelligence or ingenuity...i am one that looks on and just have to be content standing on the walk way..looks on the way of life and laugh at it's philosophy of meritocracy when people get into positions with money...looks on this temporal things, ephemeral possessions man stupidly fight and kill for...then..i turn my gaze upwards..looking at a certain privilege i have...the love that i have...the eternity that i have...then i smile and shrug my shoulders..walking away from the mass and mess of humanity...in to the solitary presence of my God..there to simply thank Him for saving me from the struggles..and for being the God of me...
Lord of big things
Lord of small things
Lord of me
thank You for saving my soul
i know i am a sinner
i believe that You can save
please come into my heart
no more time to waste..do not delay..believe and you will be save..believe and peace everlasting will spring from your heart..His hand is already stretched out to you, the question is.will you take it?
I needed Jesus @ | 5:55 PM
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we will be that good...i promise...take my word for it..don't feel sad or bad about the mistakes you committed..we will be that good..pray and trust God...
I needed Jesus @ | 2:06 AM
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008
i often think to myself..what i would be next time?what occupation would i hold?a teacher like my parents?a lawyer?i really like being a lawyer..but it's too hard..too taxing..i scared i don't have time for God and my family..i also can't stop thinking of the future..who will i marry?how many heartbreaks will i have to endure?i really want to love one person and one person only..forever..i don't want to break peoples' hearts..it's too cruel right?i wonder what my children will be like?like me?or my wife?would they love to play soccer?go shopping?
haha..or play the
Erhu?will i be able to support them?i am always the listening ear to my friend's problems and i will try to help..i know it's important...but i rather not bother people with my problems sometimes..i don't want people to worry over me...there's so much to worry about in the world already...i don't know how many people actually come to this blog..a gateway to my weird thoughts and dreams...i will be there for anyone who needs a listening ear...you can trust me:)
an indelible mark..i really wonder how you cannot see it?indifference or ignorance?only you will know I needed Jesus @ | 5:37 PM
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im so free these days...had been reading books and trying to memorise James...sometimes i also lie on the sofa and just think of stuff..i was wondering...how important are words?and how important these had to be supported by actions?i always thought words are very important..the basis of communication...but i am starting to realize that actions are just as important...what we do speaks for us...in fact...it has greater weight and impact than words that we speak....i am always intrigued by the way girls tend to hug when bidding farewell...and guys shake hands or do some cool hand gesture...maybe we wave goodbye..with the very intend of meeting again..and holding each other's hands again?i don't understand why..but i found it heartening and touching..the love and camaraderie amongst us...maybe i can propose to my wife-to-be without words...maybe we can comfort each other just by seating beside them or lending a listening ear...it always succeeds in touching me deep inside and somehow stream my eyes when love is so explicitly shown..unity amongst the youth in church...i felt loved..really..both at amk and depot..there's always amos..the big brotherly figure..though we seldom talked much..less jokes now..but he is really encouraging..and i really thank God for him..there's always older people to guide and slowly teach us...disciple us...s;ow;y but surely..if God wills and if we continue in this love and in God's love..both depot and amk will grow stronger..glow brighter...and we will continue the work the past generations started and continued...pillars of the church..the very faith that we are willing to offer our lives and bodies for...for the simple desire of hearing from Jesus..`well done.My faithful servant"
for faith without works is dead...let us love one another..that all men will know you are My disciples I needed Jesus @ | 6:52 PM
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Thursday, October 16, 2008
today is the 1st yr...1 yr passed so quickly and we are standing at a threshold of a new beginning..though the old has not really end yet...i wonder..what can we really do for our friends?to what extent are we going to show care and concern and brotherly love?do we go beyond the jokes, the laughter...the play times..the times where we play in he rain..walk together under the stars?do we even reach the stage of crying together?feeling for one another?being there when it really hurts?i wonder...what happens if two good friends like or love the same person?would it be cowardly if we just take a step back for the other?would we rather our friends smile?what would we do?would we be the shoulder soaked with the tears of our friends?or would we be just people of the same hobby..likings but not of the same heartbeat?even if pass the physical and emotional stage of friends....would we be stumbling blocks in our friends' spiritual growth?will we encourage them with the Word?do we pray for them?do we segregate people form ourselves?do we try our best to bring them into service?or maybe even salvation?how deep is the desire to have an everlasting friendship with them?maybe the meaning of friends have long grew insignificant and its worth diffused by many other tangible and ephemeral objects...the take on friendship is now seen as a social want than need..true friends are never awkward in silence.where is the world heading to if a human can no longer relate to another human...of the same kind...what more talk about relating with an all powerful God?
if the world is this big
why can't it contain Your glory?
if the world is this small
why can't i hear Your still small voice?
silence is what the world needs to understand
I needed Jesus @ | 11:22 PM
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Wednesday, October 15, 2008
just wanna share a verse.... 1 Cor 11:1....Imitate me just as i imitate Christ...:)what a verse...what a statement...so simple but so hard to say to younger believers..wonder if i can say that..whether what i do and say have a lasting impact on the younger people..if it does....am i giving them the right things to follow...we must know..the end of the chain is still Jesus..not us and our own life principles...but Christ himself...maybe we should really check ourselves and present ourselves as a good testimony in front of all men...let them see Christ in us..and maybe..in heaven..we will meet someone who was saved by how we carried ourselves...what a joy...hahah..like some message..but i thought bout the verse for quite long already and found it rather meaningful:)
holidays are starting...
Pw coming...and i did well in my promos..though not as well as ideal yet..anw...so many activities in holidays...
gg be very fun..hahaha..but the orchestra thing needs a lot of work..cos gotta teach and not just practice...got to find the right harmony for all instruments and got to fit in all instruments...haha..pray for us")
with taunts and scoffs they
mock what seems Thy weakness
with blows and outrage
adding pain to pain
Thou art unmoved and
steadfast in Thy meekness
when i am wronged
how quickly i complain
doubt is a luxury we cannot afford now...or at least i can't...if that is the best you can give...i wonder...how much you will receive....sometimes it's not all about giving...if we stand at different ends of the world....belief is what we should have...and maybe...in this physical sphere we maybe standing beside each other as well..we just have to keep our word...that promise...and really understand the significance of the `yes' we said...knowing down the road...it may come back to us one day..or even...be the road that we will take..together?or maybe...alone
I needed Jesus @ | 5:46 PM
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it's all over...i really don't know anything....i tried my best to save it...but maybe form where you are...you really don't mind letting it go....
I needed Jesus @ | 10:28 PM
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hahah...results out this wk...did quite
OK so far...an A for maths and a D for physics...quite sad though that i
didn do as well for physics...anw..all the best to those who have yet to finish
their exams....stand tall stand proud..voices that care are crying out loud....and when you close your eyes tonight feel in your heart how our love burns bright...nice words...but how many of us can really say this to a friend in need...so to all my friends...if u really
need a listening ear...i will be there for you...both encouraging and praying for you in the Lord....
when life should cease
my sight fails finally
that's when by faith i'll see
hope becomes reality
through eternity
i know with Christ i will be
no longer the need of hope
cos i'm with Christ
Faith's reality
I needed Jesus @ | 11:57 PM
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Thursday, October 2, 2008
today was another boring day again...haha..but i read taming the tiger..quite an interesting book..very deep and meaningful also...suddenly..the more i pray about where i can serve in the assembly..the more inadequate i feel....im really not gifted..really...the best i can do is smile...i really need some direction...i really feel small compared to peers who are doing things for Christ already...i really wonder..when..just when..i wonder if i have the commitment...the burning passion for the work that will not extinguish..i really wanna serve..after the children's day thing..i found i really loved the kids..i really wanted them to accept Christ and then grow in Him..but i felt so inexperienced..so useless when i didn do certain things properly...im really scared that if i really do become a youth leader..i may just lead people astray..im really scared...i know God will overcome my weakness with His strength if i trust in Him..but its really daunting...really..what if i didn do a good job..how am i to face Him in heaven?maybe i should really talked to older brothers in Christ...i really wanna find my gift..the gift he gave me..then use it for Him...i thought speaking was it..every time i read the Bible..things hit me...they really burden my heart and i really wanna share...but im afraid i say the wrong things..and in the end..its not profitable to people...maybe i should just wait and see?or pray and see?
even the best fall down and cry..heaven knows we need not be ashamed of our tears..as it falls..onto a worn out Bible..that is when...God is there..in our heart...all i ask Lord...is to follow Your will...give me an indication that i have not strayed..or should i say...Lord..i promise not to stray..use me as You Will...what i see now is all black and white...but Lord..You see the full picture..and i know..its a masterpiece I needed Jesus @ | 5:38 AM
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